Why I'm Voting For Rick Santorum

As Super Tuesday approaches, I hope to convince you all to vote for Rick Santorum in your respective primaries. There are a number of great reasons to support him, but personally, I'm voting for Rick Santorum because I enjoy raping women.

On January 20, 2012, Rick Santorum had a sit-down interview with Piers Morgan where he, in no uncertain terms, stated that rape babies are "a gift from God," and what kind of Christian would I be if I didn't try to share God's gifts?

This was my "You had me at 'Hello'" moment. Senator Santorum is the only candidate in this election, Republican or Democrat, who shares my pro-rape views. In Genesis 9:1, God tells Noah and his sons to "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth." Since Bible verses should be taken literally, what better way to fulfill the word of God than to rape as many women as possible and multiply my fruit?

The more detail-oriented of you may quibble with my implication that rape will result in offspring, but again you overlook the obvious fact that I would never use contraception. Here, too, Rick Santorum agrees fully with my pro-rape views. Even as far back as 2006, Rick Santorum asserted that contraception is harmful to women.

If you take just a moment to reconsider your vote, I think you'll find that Rick Santorum is the right candidate. With Rick Santorum in the White House, you and I and everyone will know that, when we're raping women left and right, we'll have the President behind us. Remember, a vote for Rick is a vote for rape babies!